GW Fic Rules

Disclaimer: You know the drill. If you don’t, then look at #7 of the list, then you’ll know. I owe nothing, don’t sue. Actually, I think I might have found a penny under my bed the other day…wait, no, I lost that one about ten seconds after I found it. Anyway, I hope you enjoy this piece. It’s not exactly a fanfic, but whatever. *shrugs* Give me feedback at Sailorchck@aol.com or go to the Anime Club site’s mail pile at www.animeclubpeace.homestead.com . Have fun!

Part One: Rules thought up by Sphynx. Note, these ways you might not want to follow, you don’t even have to care about them. These are ways that are of my opinion, and I know that saying Heero’s straight might possibly make a few of you mad, but in my version of GW fanfics, he’s with an Irish-American Gundam pilot named Jeri, so leave me the FUCK alone.

Write about whatever, wherever, whoever, however, whenever, and for any reason you wish, as long as it has something to do with Gundam Wing.

Let’s make this clear, so I don’t have to repeat myself: HEERO is with JERI, NOT DUO, and NEVER with RELENA, comprende? I really don’t care if you want to write a lemon about Heero and Duo, just a good fucking is okay, but if Heero BELONGS to ANYONE besides Jeri, I will find a way to e-mail you and chew you out so fast and so bad you won’t know who the FUCK you are, got it?

Another thing to clear up: DUO is with SAMI, NOT HEERO, and NEVER HILDE, that’s just sick and wrong. Believe me guys, this isn’t just a matter of opinion, it’s a way of life. Besides, I’m not doing this for me, or for Sami, I’m doing this to keep y’all’s mental and emotional health intact.

The best fics always have some sort of Relena-bashing in them. She doesn’t have to die in all of them, but you all know that us fic-writers would just LOVE you for killing her as often as possible.

Never forget to include a disclaimer in the beginning of your fic, you have to face it: you DON’T own any of the original anime characters and YOU NEVER WILL, NO MATTER HOW HARD YOU TRY. Unless, of course, you create your own characters, then they’re yours. (I know it’s a hard fact to accept, I myself wish I owned a certain spiky-haired, spandex-wearing, Prussian-eyed, Gundam hottie, but these things just don’t work out. *sigh*)

Trowa, now that’s another story. I know that in 99.99% of fics he’s screwing Quatre into a stupor, but he COULD be bi, if you think about it. I don’t know, it’s just what I think about the whole fiasco.

10. In my opinion, no fanfic is complete and well-written without Wufei getting a nosebleed. It’s just so funny, it’s pretty much become an essential part of GW fanfics.

Part Two: Ways to write a GW fanfic that other people, hopefully more sane people, thought up. Actually, I printed this list off the Net and am just copying it. If you like these ways, which are definitely funnier and more inventive, praise goes to Lili, so send her feedback at CutieAngel014@aol.com :

11. If having trouble writing and updating, remember that it’s your duty as a fic writer to make it your priority to keep writing those awesome fics for your ever faithful and impatient readers, i.e. ME!(Lili) But Sphynx wants to read them as well, so don’t make her sad by not updating, okay?

12. “One’s trash is another’s treasure.” Readers don’t always think the same as the writers so just because you think your recent fic is crappy, another person might think it’s the best story they’ve ever read.

14. Rambling on and on about things that have nothing to do with the story and constantly repeating sentences can be useful when writing funny fics.

16. Though sex in itself is something very beautiful and special, it can make a fic really, really funny, just ask any self-repecting Gundam Wing yaoi fic writer. (especially Sphynx)

18. To avoid a funny fic being too graphic, bushes, censor blots, and the occasional Falling Blob of Whip Cream™, are optional.

19. When all else fails, write a PWP fic with lots and lots of lemons and limes. In fact, you know what is worse than both a lemon AND a lime? A GRAPEFUIT. That is one mother fuckin’ sour fruit.

20. A great fic is always allowed to include things from other cartoons such a Looney Tunes. You have no idea how funny it would be to read a fanfic that includes an andvil and/or, my favorite, the Accordian Effect™, you never know.

Part 3: Miscellaneous ways to write a great GW fic, some are of my own twisted imagination, some I got help from others, some I just stole from previous fic writers who are going to murder me as soon as they read this. So remember in my disclaimer, I own nothing, not even a penny, which seemed to mysteriously disappear not too long ago. ~mumbles~ …hn, stupid penny… (Chibi-Sphynx does a scrunched-nose-Wufei-imitating-look and pouts, crossing her arms)

21. When writing a fic, feel free to use really funny words such as cubicle, pewter, one-eyed monster, gopher, monkey, lollipop, rhubarb, polka, and other hilariously-sounding words, of which I can’t think up right now.

22. Something that I do in all my funny fics is somehow manage to dye the pilots’ hair and skin different colors of the rainbow. I got this great inspiration from a fellow fic-writer who probably doesn’t even know who the FUCK I am, and her name is Mynx. (note to readers: the fact that her name is Mynx, and my name is Sphynx, is purely COINCIDENCE, I though up this cool name myself even before I KNEW there was someone out there named Mynx)

23. When discribing a graphically-sexual scene in a fic, it makes the fic more entertaining when you replace the sexual organs with other cleverly thought-out words. Ex: instead of saying, ‘his erection was apparent’ you use ‘his soldier was standing at attention’, therefore making the fic both lemon and humorous.

24. if you’re looking for an extra touch to your most recent fic, bringing an object(does’t have to make sense what it is) from Spandex Space™, or Hammerspace™ is always really funny.

26. Things falling from the sky, such as a cow or other related livestock, is a great hit with the psycho population of fic-writers.

27. One of my favorite things to do in a fic is replace an everyday object with a weird, unusual, and definitely unexpected object. Ex: Trowa and Quatre are playing a duet. When Trowa reaches for his flute, have it ‘magically’ turn into a banana/machine gun/laser pen and there you go.

28. If you’re ever having a writer’s block, an occasional whack over the head with the Stick of Inspiration™ will help you spring back into writing action.

30. Remember, in making the recipe for a fic, always include the eight basic elements: Guns, Alcohol, Chibis, Nosebleeds, Spandex, Coffee, Whipped Cream/Chocolate Sauce/Both, and Rubber Chickens. Use these in all your fics, not necessarily in that order, and I guarantee your fic will be a smash hit.

31. Stuck on a part in your fic? All you have to do is take a character and spin their personality a complete 180 degrees, and you’ll be on your way with your fic in no time. Example: Quatre, a sweet, innocent, peace-loving guy…now just have him get high on marijuana, get hold of a mini buster rifle, a leather whip, and Trowa, and it’ll be both a lemon and a funny fic.

32. A definitely-inspirational tip for all you lemon-fic writers out there: always have an endless supply of sex toys; doesn’t matter what they are, anything can work. Ex: Heero+Jeri+whipped cream+handcuffs=a five star, top-rate, all-around awesome lemon fic.

33. *MOST IMPORTANT* Do ~NOT~ listen to me, of all people, a crazy, coffee-deprived, homicidal, suicidal, deranged, cynical, Heero and Jeri lemon loving, psychotic, desperately in need of mental help, off her medication, perverted, *takes a huge breath* Gundam pilot wannabe, overly-imaginative, trigger-happy, overly-aggressive, Heero-obsessive, hyperactive, fugitive, schizophrenic, thinks Heero’s real(WHAT?? He isn’t?!), alcoholic, sex-crazed, self-proclaimed freak, etc. etc. etc. blah blah blah, yackety-schmackety and all that jazz, the list goes on and on, but my fingers are getting tired of typing this gibberish.

Heero: Who says? I am but a humble slave to all the female hentai fic writers, that doesn’t mean I worship the ground you walk upon.

Heero: Hey, don’t cut off his braid! Besides, he’s right, I am with Duo, and that’s how it’s gonna stay, or omae o korosu....

Heero whips out his gun and points it at Kyra’s head. Kyra’s eyes widen, then she smirks. Jeri(Sphynx, duh!) sneaks up behind Heero and snatches his gun out of his hand.

Heero gives Jeri an I’m Gonna Kill You Death Glare™, Jeri ignores him, throws his gun in the air, shooting it with her own gun, which she somehow pulled out of Hammerspace™, then replaces it as Heero’s gun blows into smithereens.

Jeri glomps onto Heero, then drags him by his tanktop into a nearby bush, which magically appeared. Some strangled sounds come from the bush, but are quickly muffled by the sound of clothes being ripped off. Jeri whips out some handcuffs and a can of whipped cream, and you know the rest.

Kyra grins maniacally, throws the knife away, stands up and drags Duo by his braid into another bunch of bushes which suddenly appear. The same strangled sounds escape Duo, but that is muted by HIS clothes ripping, the black priest’s outfit flies out from behind the bush. Duo yelps as Kyra pulls out a bottle of chocolate sauce, a whip, and a bowl of cherries, he tries to escape but it’s no use. Kyra laughs evilly, glomps Duo, and there you go.

Twin cackles(yes, cackles) are heard, belonging to none other than Jeri and Kyra. This goes on for God knows how long, and slowly but surely, Heero and Duo forget who the other is, not even recalling the name, just the way the two females intended it to be. If you looked closely between the two bushes, you could see Jeri and Kyra give each other a high-five, and they continue with their fun until their heart’s content.


	The Anime Nirvana \| home GW Fic Rules Just read it, I beseech you. ********** Disclaimer: You know the drill. If you don’t, then look at #7 of the list, then you’ll know. I owe nothing, don’t sue. Actually, I think I might have found a penny under my bed the other day…wait, no, I lost that one about ten seconds after I found it. Anyway, I hope you enjoy this piece. It’s not exactly a fanfic, but whatever. shrugs Give me feedback at Sailorchck@aol.com or go to the Anime Club site’s mail pile at www.animeclubpeace.homestead.com . Have fun! Thirty-three Ways to Writing a Gundam Wing Fanfic By Sphynx-chan aka Crackbaby ^_^ Part One: Rules thought up by Sphynx. Note, these ways you might not want to follow, you don’t even have to care about them. These are ways that are of my opinion, and I know that saying Heero’s straight might possibly make a few of you mad, but in my version of GW fanfics, he’s with an Irish-American Gundam pilot named Jeri, so leave me the FUCK alone. Write about whatever, wherever, whoever, however, whenever, and for any reason you wish, as long as it has something to do with Gundam Wing. It’s okay if your fic is yaoi/yuri, just make sure the pairings make sense. Example: 3X4 is good, 1X5 is just wrong. Fanfics don’t have to make sense, have a plot, or even have any meaning, just WRITE IT GOD DAMMIT! Let’s make this clear, so I don’t have to repeat myself: HEERO is with JERI, NOT DUO, and NEVER with RELENA, comprende? I really don’t care if you want to write a lemon about Heero and Duo, just a good fucking is okay, but if Heero BELONGS to ANYONE besides Jeri, I will find a way to e-mail you and chew you out so fast and so bad you won’t know who the FUCK you are, got it? Another thing to clear up: DUO is with SAMI, NOT HEERO, and NEVER HILDE, that’s just sick and wrong. Believe me guys, this isn’t just a matter of opinion, it’s a way of life. Besides, I’m not doing this for me, or for Sami, I’m doing this to keep y’all’s mental and emotional health intact. The best fics always have some sort of Relena-bashing in them. She doesn’t have to die in all of them, but you all know that us fic-writers would just LOVE you for killing her as often as possible. Never forget to include a disclaimer in the beginning of your fic, you have to face it: you DON’T own any of the original anime characters and YOU NEVER WILL, NO MATTER HOW HARD YOU TRY. Unless, of course, you create your own characters, then they’re yours. (I know it’s a hard fact to accept, I myself wish I owned a certain spiky-haired, spandex-wearing, Prussian-eyed, Gundam hottie, but these things just don’t work out. sigh) Face it, Quatre’s gay, and that’s that. Trowa, now that’s another story. I know that in 99.99% of fics he’s screwing Quatre into a stupor, but he COULD be bi, if you think about it. I don’t know, it’s just what I think about the whole fiasco. 10. In my opinion, no fanfic is complete and well-written without Wufei getting a nosebleed. It’s just so funny, it’s pretty much become an essential part of GW fanfics. Part Two: Ways to write a GW fanfic that other people, hopefully more sane people, thought up. Actually, I printed this list off the Net and am just copying it. If you like these ways, which are definitely funnier and more inventive, praise goes to Lili, so send her feedback at CutieAngel014@aol.com : 11. If having trouble writing and updating, remember that it’s your duty as a fic writer to make it your priority to keep writing those awesome fics for your ever faithful and impatient readers, i.e. ME!(Lili) But Sphynx wants to read them as well, so don’t make her sad by not updating, okay? 12. “One’s trash is another’s treasure.” Readers don’t always think the same as the writers so just because you think your recent fic is crappy, another person might think it’s the best story they’ve ever read. 13. When writing a fic and you get a great idea for it, incorporate it into your fic, but stay with the main story. 14. Rambling on and on about things that have nothing to do with the story and constantly repeating sentences can be useful when writing funny fics. one of Sphynx’s favorite ways that was written by another person is: 15. Bombs, mechas, chibis, and spandex are very useful tools when writing funny fics, though not necessarily in that order. 16. Though sex in itself is something very beautiful and special, it can make a fic really, really funny, just ask any self-repecting Gundam Wing yaoi fic writer. (especially Sphynx) 17. Continuing from #16, poking fun at one of the pilots’ relationships can also make a fic really funny. 18. To avoid a funny fic being too graphic, bushes, censor blots, and the occasional Falling Blob of Whip Cream™, are optional. 19. When all else fails, write a PWP fic with lots and lots of lemons and limes. In fact, you know what is worse than both a lemon AND a lime? A GRAPEFUIT. That is one mother fuckin’ sour fruit. 20. A great fic is always allowed to include things from other cartoons such a Looney Tunes. You have no idea how funny it would be to read a fanfic that includes an andvil and/or, my favorite, the Accordian Effect™, you never know. Part 3: Miscellaneous ways to write a great GW fic, some are of my own twisted imagination, some I got help from others, some I just stole from previous fic writers who are going to murder me as soon as they read this. So remember in my disclaimer, I own nothing, not even a penny, which seemed to mysteriously disappear not too long ago. ~mumbles~ …hn, stupid penny… (Chibi-Sphynx does a scrunched-nose-Wufei-imitating-look and pouts, crossing her arms) 21. When writing a fic, feel free to use really funny words such as cubicle, pewter, one-eyed monster, gopher, monkey, lollipop, rhubarb, polka, and other hilariously-sounding words, of which I can’t think up right now. 22. Something that I do in all my funny fics is somehow manage to dye the pilots’ hair and skin different colors of the rainbow. I got this great inspiration from a fellow fic-writer who probably doesn’t even know who the FUCK I am, and her name is Mynx. (note to readers: the fact that her name is Mynx, and my name is Sphynx, is purely COINCIDENCE, I though up this cool name myself even before I KNEW there was someone out there named Mynx) 23. When discribing a graphically-sexual scene in a fic, it makes the fic more entertaining when you replace the sexual organs with other cleverly thought-out words. Ex: instead of saying, ‘his erection was apparent’ you use ‘his soldier was standing at attention’, therefore making the fic both lemon and humorous. 24. if you’re looking for an extra touch to your most recent fic, bringing an object(does’t have to make sense what it is) from Spandex Space™, or Hammerspace™ is always really funny. 25. Another tip for making a funny fic funnier, two words: RUBBER CHICKEN. 26. Things falling from the sky, such as a cow or other related livestock, is a great hit with the psycho population of fic-writers. 27. One of my favorite things to do in a fic is replace an everyday object with a weird, unusual, and definitely unexpected object. Ex: Trowa and Quatre are playing a duet. When Trowa reaches for his flute, have it ‘magically’ turn into a banana/machine gun/laser pen and there you go. 28. If you’re ever having a writer’s block, an occasional whack over the head with the Stick of Inspiration™ will help you spring back into writing action. 29. One word: CROSSDRESSING. 30. Remember, in making the recipe for a fic, always include the eight basic elements: Guns, Alcohol, Chibis, Nosebleeds, Spandex, Coffee, Whipped Cream/Chocolate Sauce/Both, and Rubber Chickens. Use these in all your fics, not necessarily in that order, and I guarantee your fic will be a smash hit. 31. Stuck on a part in your fic? All you have to do is take a character and spin their personality a complete 180 degrees, and you’ll be on your way with your fic in no time. Example: Quatre, a sweet, innocent, peace-loving guy…now just have him get high on marijuana, get hold of a mini buster rifle, a leather whip, and Trowa, and it’ll be both a lemon and a funny fic. 32. A definitely-inspirational tip for all you lemon-fic writers out there: always have an endless supply of sex toys; doesn’t matter what they are, anything can work. Ex: Heero+Jeri+whipped cream+handcuffs=a five star, top-rate, all-around awesome lemon fic. 33. MOST IMPORTANT* Do ~NOT~ listen to me, of all people, a crazy, coffee-deprived, homicidal, suicidal, deranged, cynical, Heero and Jeri lemon loving, psychotic, desperately in need of mental help, off her medication, perverted, takes a huge breath Gundam pilot wannabe, overly-imaginative, trigger-happy, overly-aggressive, Heero-obsessive, hyperactive, fugitive, schizophrenic, thinks Heero’s real(WHAT?? He isn’t?!), alcoholic, sex-crazed, self-proclaimed freak, etc. etc. etc. blah blah blah, yackety-schmackety and all that jazz, the list goes on and on, but my fingers are getting tired of typing this gibberish. ~OWARI~ Heero: Thank God. Sphynx: Hey! You’re supposed to be on MY side! Heero: Who says? I am but a humble slave to all the female hentai fic writers, that doesn’t mean I worship the ground you walk upon. Duo: Yeah! What he said! Besides, what do you MEAN Heero’s with Jeri? Every GW fanfic writer knows that Heero is MINE. Kyra: WHAT?!?!?! Well, I guess we’ll just have to change that then. Kyra tackles Duo to the ground, grabbes his braid and holds a sharp knife to it at the base of his neck. Duo: HEERO! Help! She’s going to cut off my braid! Onegai, help!!! Heero: Hey, don’t cut off his braid! Besides, he’s right, I am with Duo, and that’s how it’s gonna stay, or omae o korosu.... Heero whips out his gun and points it at Kyra’s head. Kyra’s eyes widen, then she smirks. Jeri(Sphynx, duh!) sneaks up behind Heero and snatches his gun out of his hand. Heero: Hey! Give me back my gun! Heero gives Jeri an I’m Gonna Kill You Death Glare™, Jeri ignores him, throws his gun in the air, shooting it with her own gun, which she somehow pulled out of Hammerspace™, then replaces it as Heero’s gun blows into smithereens. Heero: What was THAT for?!?! You’re gonna pay for that! Jeri: Oh, I’ll make sure of that… Jeri glomps onto Heero, then drags him by his tanktop into a nearby bush, which magically appeared. Some strangled sounds come from the bush, but are quickly muffled by the sound of clothes being ripped off. Jeri whips out some handcuffs and a can of whipped cream, and you know the rest. Kyra grins maniacally, throws the knife away, stands up and drags Duo by his braid into another bunch of bushes which suddenly appear. The same strangled sounds escape Duo, but that is muted by HIS clothes ripping, the black priest’s outfit flies out from behind the bush. Duo yelps as Kyra pulls out a bottle of chocolate sauce, a whip, and a bowl of cherries, he tries to escape but it’s no use. Kyra laughs evilly, glomps Duo, and there you go. Forty-five minutes later… Kyra: Now, who did you say you were with? You’re not with Heero, are you? Duo: Heero? Who’s Heero? Meanwhile, behind the other bush… Jeri: Who’s a bad boy! Yes you are, Heero! You’re so bad! Who’s Heero with? Is he with Duo? Heero: Duo? Never heard of him… Twin cackles(yes, cackles) are heard, belonging to none other than Jeri and Kyra. This goes on for God knows how long, and slowly but surely, Heero and Duo forget who the other is, not even recalling the name, just the way the two females intended it to be. If you looked closely between the two bushes, you could see Jeri and Kyra give each other a high-five, and they continue with their fun until their heart’s content. ***********